The Legend of Hearts
by Link Melee 1993
Summary: A crossover between Kingdom Hearts and OoT Zelda. Random humor, and mixes of both adventures. Hehehe... you readers better review nice. But then again, you always do. Chapter 4 up!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

It Starts… This story combines 2 of the best games ever: Kingdom Hearts, and the Legend Of Zelda: OoT. With some other junk mixed in there. Disclaimer time! Link: Oh come on… 

Hem hem.

Link: It's just a disclaimer!

Ahem.

Link: Oh, ok. Link Melee does not own any part of Kingdom Hearts or the Legend of Zelda.

I do own multiple Zelda games though. Okay. WARNING: Extreme stupidity below.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day in Kokiri Forest, our idiotic hero is… napping in his house. And all of the other characters are talking outside.

In an alternate universe, called PS2, Sora and his pals lay on a beach. ?

"Well, we could always go to King Mickey's castle," Sora says. All of a sudden, a portal opens up, and Sora goes over and looks in it.

In the real world, a little girl walks over to the two consoles, and plugs a cord into both controller slots in the PlayStation 2 and Nintendo 64. Some kid runs in, and yells, "NO!" A gold spark flashes across the cord. A new game starts in Zelda, but KH is still the same. Except one thing. _Sora isn't there!_

Back in the N64, you see two kids with coolio hair sleeping. In separate beds, of course.

Somewhere else, something says, "Navi, go to the young ones without a fairy. Befriend them, and bring them back here. Fly, Navi, fly!"

At the "treehouse", a fairy pops in, and bobs up and down over their heads. "Hey! Can the future really rest in the hands of two lazy boys? Wake up!"

Link wakes up. "Yawn - ! Navi? What are you doing here? GASP! Why am I a kid!" Navi replies, "Well, I am – OH MY DIN! The game's restarted!" Sora wakes up, and looks at the unlucky pair. "Oh my god! Who are you people!" "Well, I'm Navi, the fairy! Tadaa!" "And I'm Link, the… uh… the human! Tadaa!"

Sora: "Oh my god. I'm in a world of midgets." Link sneers, "Yeah, well I'm 4 ½ feet tall!" "And I'm… uh… 2 and ½ inches tall! Haha!" Sora says, "Well, no hard feelings, but how do I get home?"

Voice from Beyond the World: The game must be beaten.

Sora says, "Huh? How come you're in script form?"

VFBTW: Cuz I want to.

"Well, whatever you are, you SUCK," Link yells at the roof.

VFBTW: Well, I can make things happen. _Evil _things.

Suddenly, a blue ball falls from the ceiling. It starts scratching up Link, who screams, "AAHH! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" Then, it jumps on Sora, and knocks him down. He says, "Oh, hi Stitch." Stitch says, "H - H - Hi!" Navi says, "How'd you do that?" Sora says, "Oh, I can summon stuff from my world."

Then, a triforce symbol appears over the deku tree. "Oops," Navi says, "I forgot about the deku tree." The two Hylian boobs run out. Sora stands there, then picks up Stitch and runs out.

After a lot of talking, getting a sword and shield, and a legend or two, they get into the Deku Tree. "Well, let's get started."

Hours later (well, maybe minutes), they get into boss room. "Be careful," Link notes, "Gohma is tough." Then, a shadow falls from the ceiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

**Oh Where, Oh Where Has My**

**Little Dodongo Gone?**

Sora: Hey Link?

Link: Yeah?

Sora: What's a dodongo?

Link: Uhhhh… hang on a minute… it's coming to me…

Sora: sigh… (leaves)

Link: I think I got it… almost there…

Link Melee: sigh… while prettyboy over there tries to think about what a dodongo is – coughidiotcough – I'll explain what's going on here.

…

LM: EVIL ZOMBIE ALIEN RABID BUNNIES ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! AH! RUN!

(crickets chirp)

LM: …

(still)

LM: Uh, over there. (points)

Evil Zombie Alien Rabid Bunny Leader: OH NO! The human water sacks have discovered our invasion! Run!

(all run away before others look)

Navi: Boy, what are you drinking?

LM: Uhhh… Storytime!

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Link, Sora, Navi, and Stitch are inside the boss room in the Great Deku Tree, which can be gotten through in like 1 minute (trust me, it only took me about 3 -), and a shadow drops from the ceiling.

Sora screams, "OH MY GOD!" Then, a gohma larvae hops out. Sora goes next to it. "This is Gohma? Oh my god, I can flick this thing out of the way." He does. It flies backwards, and lands against something in the shadows.

Link says, "Uh, Sora? You should back up now." Sora says, "Why?" Then, Gohma steps out of there, and rears up. Link and Navi scream. Of course, Sora is about it's height. Sora says, "You're scared of this? A three year old could beat it!" And with that, he backs it up into a corner. "Who are you? I know the two midgets," Gohma says. "I AM SORA! THE CONQUROR! MOOHAHAHAHA! … Boo."

Gohma screams, then Stitch jumps on her, and scratches her eye until she dies. "Ok, well…" Link sighs. Navi says, "Well, we'd better get to the next dungeon." Link yells, "Wait! We have to go to see the princess, remember!" "Oh yeah…" Sora looks up. "You have a princess here?" He presses down his clothes, and fixes his hair.

Link and Navi look at him like he's crazy. "Ok, we should get going."

They all pack up their stuff, and Sora sends Stitch back home. "We don't need an alien running around a castle," he said with a grin.

They run across the field, but they run into that owl. Instead of Link taking him out, Sora got annoyed before he did, and grabbed his keyblade and gave him a molting he would definitely never forget.

They get past the guards, and meet the princess. "Oh, hi Link. Who's this?" Zelda said. Link said, "This is Sora. He came from some world called 'Kingdom Hearts'." Sora just walked out at that point.

Anyway, they got up to Kakariko Village, and climbed up the mountain. Link played Darunia that song, and got the goron bracelet. But, when they got outside and Link was about to blow up the entrance, Sora took out a bomb from nowhere, and ran in. "How'd he do that?" Navi asked.

When the dimb duo got inside, they found Sora staring at the giant lizard head by him. "Oh my god. You're gonna fight that… that… thing?" Link says, "Hey! That reminds me! That's a dodongo." Sora looks at it, and falls over. Navi: "I think he fainted." Sora wakes up and grabs Navi. "I DON'T FAINT!"

Later, they get to the area above the giant dead dodongo. "Okay, now all I have to do is -." Link is interrupted when Sora jumps down, takes out his keyblade, and chops down the giant head. "Now why didn't he do that in the first place?" Navi notes as he flies down.

They finally get to the boss chamber, and they land in the room with the lava. Sora actually turns around first, and then falls over again. Link also turns around, but King Dodongo is already sniffing Sora. Link stops dead in his tracks. King Dodongo says, "Did he faint?" Link drops his sword, and falls over. "What?" King Dodongo breathes fire on Navi. "Cough cough," Navi says as he falls down.

Suddenly, Sora wakes up, and pushes King Dodongo in the lava, killing him.

Hours later, Link wakes up in a cave on top of Death Mountain. He notices the Great Fairy giving Sora something. He also floats up. When they leave, Link notices Sora doing a spin attack with his keyblade. "You also got magic, too," Link asks. "Uh, well, duh!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

LM: So? Do you like it?

Link: No. They think you're a retard.

LM: waaaahhhh! (runs off)

Link: Hehe… short attention span!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**Ruto and the Beast**

Link Melee: (singing) "Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Ruto and the Beast." Oh. Hi!

…

LM: Take it away, Link!

Link: zzzzz… zzzzz…

LN: OMFG.

Sora: I'll do it. Sigh… Link Melee does not own LoZ, or any Kingdom Hearts games. Darn nerd doesn't have any of my games… (walks off)

LM: I also don't own Disney, or the movie/play/book/musical (which I saw at Derry HS last Friday -) of "Beauty and the Beast. Start - ! Wait a darn minute! SORA!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link and Sora have just left the Fairy's Fountain, only to be interrupted by that owl again.

"OH MY GOD! Will you just leave us alone," Spra screams at him. Then, Kaepora grabs them by his talons, and flies them away.

Seconds later, they land in a cloud of dust in Hyrule Field. After they brush themselves off, Link says, "Well, I guess we should go to Zora's Domain now, eh?"

On the way up, Kaepora Gaebora stops them. AGAIN! Then, Navi snaps. He pulls out a bazooka, and says in a Terminator accent, "Asta la vista, fouly!" He never knew what hit him.

Sora goes nut when he falls in the waterfall at Zora's Domain. "I'm drowning! I'm drowning! I'm drowning! I'm – Oh." He sees Link standing up next to him. He sighs, and runs in.

King Zora tells Sora what's going on, and then Sora falls down the waterfall for the game. This time, he really sinks. Link dives off, and also gets stuck. They fight to the top, and see some guy with huge muscles, and a life preserver in his hand. Link yells, "I see the light!" Sora covers his eyes, and says, "Dude, that's the sun shining off his muscles. The music from Baywatch plays as he runs in slow motion across the water.

After the two boobs are rescued, they ask, "Who are you?" He says, "Well, I'm David Hasselhoff." They both say, "Whoopee!" Navi says in a girly voice, "He's so dreamy." o.O?

They go outside, and Sora decides he wants to poke Jabu Jabu. Link backs up. "I don't think you should do that. He might-" Then, they are all sucked inside the giant fish.

Navi goes nuts again. He pulls out two needlers (HALO fun -), and blasts away at the octorocks. Within seconds, the door opens. Link walks through, and then Navi. As Sora gets near the door, it shuts on his face. After he gets up, he goes through his normal summoning tribute… Toldya I don't have any of his games…

Link is running away from Ruto, when the door is bust open by… yeah, you guessed it, the Beast. Link screams, then faints. Navi pokes him, and says, "He never used to do that before…" Ruto stares, then walks over, and curls his fur. "You know, you're kinda cute…" He responds, "Well, shucks…" They hold hands and skip out.

Link wakes up, and looks around. He stands up, and screams, "THAT STALKER FINALLY GAVE UP!" Sora sighs, then goes over to a platform and picks up the sapphire.

Link says, "Great! Now we can go see Zelda!"

Oh, finally. Now they can both get older. And more annoying.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sora: That wasn't in the script!

(flips through pages)

LM: Ah, but it was on your contract. (whips out paper book, and a telescope with 50 lenses) Look here.

Sora: (reading) "Must be able to grow older by 7 years." Oh snap.

Link: Hey?That's my line!

LM: This isn't, "A Link Story" for cryin' out loud!

Link: … So? Where's my girlfriend?

(jigglypuff runs out)

Jigglypuff: Come on, Link! Let's go on our date!

(both walk out)

LM: Seriously, Rynada. That's a weird match up.

Rynada: I know… heh heh…

END 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Going Forward in Time**

**Gives You a BIG Headache**

Link: Wait. I have to do that 7 year thing again!

LM: Hey! Be glad you weren't in my game! I beat it 58 times!

Link: Oh gods. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.

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Link leads Sora back down to the castle, but they decide to make a few stops on the way. "Wah ha ha ha ha ha ha! You're going to see the princess now, huh Mr. Hero? Wah ha ha ha ha," the guard on Death Mountain says.

"Wait," Sora says, "Wouldn't we have to pass the castle to get here?" Link yells, "Shaddup!" Then, they decide to find Ruto.

They head to Lon Lon ranch, only to find a suprising scene. Talon stands at a bench, with Ruto and the Beast. "You may now kiss the bride!" The gang are gone before the word, "now".

Navi says, "Hey! We should really go see Zelda now!" So, they do. On the way over, it starts raining…

All of a sudden, the drawbridge lowers. Link grabs Sora, and says, "I'm gonna move out of the way…" In seconds, a huge white horse runs out carrying Zelda and Impa. As they run past, she throws some blue thing. It hits Sora on the head, and knocks him out.

Much later, Sora wakes up from the sound of… opera music. He wakes up, only to see Link getting sucked up by a blue light. "NO! LINK!" He runs right into it. Seconds later, they're gone.

Sora wakes up with a really bad headache. He sits up, and looks around. He realizes he's on a floating pool of water.

He rubs his head, but his hair felt greasy. "When did I last wash my hair- 7 years ago?" He gasp at his deep voice. Link comes over. He gasps again. He is also a lot taller, almost his height. "Welcome to the future!" With that, he falls off of the pool. Link turns to Rauru and says, "Well, I guess that's my que!" Then, he dives off.

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Sora: OMG, I hate being old! Look! I have a goatee!

Fangirls: Aaaah! Oooooh! Aaaaahh! Sora Fanclub roolz!

Link: I never got a fanclub! . SORA!

LM: Yes you did!

Link: Well? Where'd they go? WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM!

LM: Uh… I killed them and ate their livers.

Link: 0.0!

LM: Nah, I just locked them in a closet.

SOMEWHERE ELSE…

Girl #1: Link Melee! We have to go to the bathroom!

Girl #2: oops.

Girl #1: NEVERMIND!


End file.
